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Writing Lesson 2.29 – Dialogue: To Attribute or Not to Attribute?

Melinda Evaul — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 09:00:47 +0000

“That is the question,” said . . . er . . . mused Jack.

As you prepare your entries for the upcoming contest, consider the way you use dialogue.

Have you read books where every snippet of dialogue ends with “he said” or “she said”? These phrases become boring and redundant. I’ve heard that our brain overlooks the “he said” phrases, but overuse can also make these words jump off the page and wave red flags. In an attempt to avoid repetition, some writers substitute “he explained”, “she replied”, “he shouted”, and a host of other words that sound even worse and are better shown than told. Author styles vary widely. I’m sure you’ve read other books where the conversation occurs with few attributions.

An attribution signals who is speaking.

For example:

Jack said, “Let’s climb up the hill to get the water.”
“It’s too steep. We might fall,” exclaimed Jill.

Phrases like “Jack said” or “exclaimed Jill” are called tags.

My personal writing style is to avoid using tags to tell who is speaking whenever possible. That is especially true when it’s clear to the reader. If Jack and Jill are the only two people in a scene, and the conversation bounces back and forth between them, we can follow their dialogue easily once the characters in the scene are established. Each person’s words become a new line or paragraph. I prefer to show an action or emotional response to distinguish who is speaking.

Short action phrases interspersed with dialogue are called beats.

Let’s assume you’ve established that Jack and Jill are the two characters in a scene, and the reader knows Mom sent them up the trail to fetch a pail of water. . .

They strolled hand in hand along the path. He dragged his toes through the dirt, watching the dust billow over his feet. The empty pail clanked an annoying rhythm against his leg. “I don’t want to walk so far in this heat. Let’s take a shortcut up the hill to the waterfall. We can wade in the pool for a while and still get home before lunch.”

Sunlight glistened off the shale-strewn cliff face. She shielded her eyes against the glare. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“Oh, you’re such a baby.”

She grabbed his arm as he stepped off the path. “Don’t go. It’s steep, and the rocks look slippery.”

Okay, that may not be the best dialogue you’ve ever read, but it suffices to make some points.

It’s clear who is speaking in the exchange.
The actions and emotions support the dialogue and add to the scene.
Action and emotional beats give the characters life.
The scene becomes vivid and real.
Skipping over attribution tags helps to establish the pace of the story.

If another person is traveling with Jack and Jill, we might need an occasional attribution so the reader understands who is speaking.

“Ah, let him go,” Humpty Dumpty said. “He’ll learn a lesson when he cracks his head.”

Enough with the nursery rhyme characters. You get my point.

Exercise:

Browse the dialogue sections in some books.
Make notes about attributions you find, or note how the author shows who is speaking without an attribution.
Polish your own dialogue so it sounds natural.

Writing Lesson 2.16 – Write Better-Read & Review

Naomi Musch — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 09:00:08 +0000

You may have heard it said that good writers are those who read. Chances are you already love reading. Each of us has our own tastes and preferences when it comes to reading. Some love action books, others prefer a sweet romance. And within each book genre there are many flavors, so that one action story may make one fan’s heart race but leave another’s flat. You weed through them.

Read, read, read! Reading builds your writing skills in powerful and sometimes subtle ways. You begin to pick up on the rhythm of good writing by expanding your sense of pacing, beats in dialogue, chapter endings or beginnings, and so on. Your vocabulary grows with more powerful verb choices. You discover areas of interest you yourself might like to write about someday. There are hosts of other ways reading can improve your writing, and over time you’ll figure them out.

Then, since you are reading good books, do this: become a book reviewer. Learn the art of writing book reviews. This will not only get you some good, and often free, material for reading, but it will make you really focus on what made the book work — or not.

On my blog, Write Reason, I have a section heading I call my Book Exams. These are books that I review for the casual and discerning reader. Then, strictly for the benefit of writers, I go one step farther by pointing out what writing skills or techniques we can learn from that particular author. Perhaps the author was very good at character development. I tell why. Perhaps they were really, really good at “world building”. I point out how. Maybe they had a simple yet beautiful way of writing prose.

Anyway, if I like a book, doing an “exam” causes me to look closer at the whys. By writing the review, I expand another aspect of my writing ability.

Exercises:

Visit authors’ web sites and blogs. Many of them, and I do mean MANY, offer the chance to win free books in drawings. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve won through blog drawings. It’s a great way to build your library.

Make friends with authors. They love to hear from you. New authors, especially, and those from smaller, lesser known publishing houses, are looking for ways to get word of their book out. Many have copies to distribute for review. You, of course, would have to follow through and do the review.

Start a blog. You can start a blog for free. There are many places – Blogger, WordPress, or others. Or, if you are on Facebook, you can post book reviews in your “notes” section. Go to your library or grab some books off your shelf, roll up your sleeves, and start writing reviews. After a while, when you’ve written enough of them, and perhaps even developed a small following, more authors or publishers will be willing to send you their books.

And homeschoolers, your parents might consider letting you write book reviews as part of your language arts program. Wouldn’t that rock?

Writing Lesson 24 – Unique Character Voices

Melinda Evaul — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 09:00:52 +0000

Today we’ll focus on your character’s speech and mannerisms. In past lessons, we’ve discussed external and internal goals, core values and conflicts, physical details, and personality traits. Another layer in a character’s personality is speech. Each layer adds depth and makes your reader feel as if they know this person. Readers sometimes see themselves in your character. If they can identify with the character and develop a relationship with them, they’re more likely to remember the novel or story. That achieves your goal—unforgettable characters.

Think of Luke Skywalker. Are his actions around Princess Leah and Darth Vader the same? Does he talk with Han Solo the same way he talks with Yoda?

To make this personal, is a conversation with your parents the same as a chat with your best friend? Are your actions the same? Of course they aren’t.

Each character has a unique voice and mannerisms. Some may use proper English while others wouldn’t. As your write dialogue, have your characters speak the way they would in real life. Sentence fragments and poor grammar often show up in dialogue.

Shy and nervous Tracy, my artist in a previous lesson, might have a hard time talking with her employer. She might stutter or stumble over her words. However, she could explain the story behind her painting with ease if she’s talking with her best friend. You get the idea.

Take the characters you’ve created in previous lessons. Add another layer by giving each one a unique voice.

Writing lesson:

Create some dialogue. Try at least two of my suggestions from the list below or come up with another relationship. Use the same topic each time. Choose one of the characters you’ve already developed. By now, you should know them pretty well. How would they sound and act?

Write a dialogue scene between your character and his/her best friend.
Try one with a parent.
Choose a scene with their boyfriend/girlfriend.
Have the same discussion with a grandparent.
Talk with a teacher or an employer.
Discuss the issue with a brother or sister.

Writing Lesson 18 – Four Dialogue Tips from the Pros

Teri Dawn Smith — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:00:21 +0000

I love writing dialogue. When I start working on a story, it’s the things characters say to each other that begin sounding in my head.

Improving the dialogue is one of the fastest ways to make your story better so let’s look at some tips from professional writers.

All of the books I’ve read agree on two things: A.) Don’t try to write dialogue the way we speak! Leave out the boring parts such as greetings. “Good morning.” “How are you?” “Fine, and you?” (Yawn!) B.) Don’t use dialogue as an information dump. Example: “My aunt is coming. She’s the one who has the pizzeria down on Main Street where the fire was last night.” If the information is essential, find another way to work it in, but don’t dump it in the dialogue.

So what specifically can you do to improve the dialogue?

Tip #1 from James Scott Bell: Write compressed dialogue. Chip off all the unnecessary words. Instead of writing, “Would you like to go to the basketball game with me?” Write: “Let’s go to the game.” Drop words, and keep it lean.

Tip #2 from Susan May Warren: Spice up the conversation between characters with name-calling. If someone tries too hard to be funny, have a character call him a name. “Okay, Bozo, that’s enough out of you.” If someone’s suggests something dangerous, use another name. “Whoa, Superman, I’m not that brave.” The possibilities are endless and lots of fun.

Tip #3 from Jerry Jenkins: Use the simple attribution of “said” if you use one at all. Attributions are the little indentifying tags like he said, she asked. Some writers try to get clever and change the attribution: he responded, she queried, etc. Those attributions begin to call attention to the tag itself while “said” is almost invisible. Whatever you do, don’t write: “Get out,” she hissed. (Hissing requires the “s” sound which is not present in the words uttered.)

Tip # 4 from Donald Maass: Infuse dialogue with tension. Tension comes from warring emotions. It’s not so hard to come up with emotional friction between antagonists, but what about pitting allies against each other? Have them get sarcastic with each other. Donald Maass says, “True tension in dialogue comes not from what is being said, but from inside those who are saying it.” (The Fire in Fiction, page 195)

Writing Exercises:

Go over a passage of dialogue you’ve written and see if you can cut words.
Find places to inject name-calling.
Use only “said” or “asked” as attributions, but see if you can get by without them sometimes.
Look for places to ratchet up the tension, especially between friends.