Let me share a picture that I think ties in with our writing lessons–a Spanish Mission arch on the fireplace, a Dutch door, and a Colonial mantle!

This struck me as odd the first time I saw it, but I couldn’t [...]]]> If all goes as planned, this week we’ll begin remodeling our new home.

Let me share a picture that I think ties in with our writing lessons–a Spanish Mission arch on the fireplace, a Dutch door, and a Colonial mantle!

This struck me as odd the first time I saw it, but I couldn’t figure out why. I had to study the elements before I realized that “One of these things is not like the others” as Big Bird used to sing. Shoot! NONE of these things is like ANY of the others!

Maybe I’m reaching here, but sometimes I run across odd incongruities in my writing, too–especially when I read my work out loud (and if you don’t, you should). I’ll be reading along, and something seems to stick out. I trip over it. Then I go back and study that section. Almost always the problem is one of two things:

• My character would NEVER say what I wrote–or at least not in the way I wrote it. I need to “listen” to the people in my head and rewrite the story in the way they would tell it.

               OR

• My writing suddenly sounded like someone else. (This usually happens when I’m not confident about a scene and just write to get it down.) For some reason I occasionally lapse into the voice of whatever I’m currently reading–a very good reason, by the way, to read quality books that stretch you as a writer!

Either way, I’ve forgotten important elements of personality and style–either mine or my characters’–and I need to edit until the scene feels cohesive.

Exercise:

• Read your most recent scene out loud to yourself
• Does anything “stick out” or “trip you up”?
• Find out why, then experiment with different ways of fixing the problem!

Details. Not a hundred of them listed ad nauseum, but key details unique to the POV character that are both fresh and rich in sensory information. Dig deep into the scene. Don’t just say your hero is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe his mom hung them on [...]]]> A guest post by Sandra Orchard

Details. Not a hundred of them listed ad nauseum, but key details unique to the POV character that are both fresh and rich in sensory information. Dig deep into the scene. Don’t just say your hero is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe his mom hung them on the line to dry, and they’re stiff as a board and uncomfortable, not nicely worn in like they are after he’s worn them for a week.

See how this works? You can tell your reader that he’s wearing uncomfortable jeans, or you can give them a picture and a sense of how they feel.

The five senses are your most important friends.

Exploit them! Sticking with clothes for a moment–instead of saying Joe wore sneakers, draw your reader in by describing the squeaking sound they make as he chases a girl down the hall. And don’t forget those wires dangling from his ears. What sound is the observer hearing?

Okay, we’ve covered touch and sound. Sight isn’t a problem for most writers, but what about taste and smell? We don’t often read descriptions involving taste and smell (unless you’re reading romance).

Get up from your chair and walk outside. Take a big whiff and then come back. ….Waiting….Did you do it?….Waiting…

Okay, what did the air smell like? That fresh after-a-storm smell? The heavy, cloying, swallow-your-breath smell of humidity? Like a particular flower or tree? Like horse manure or car exhaust? These kinds of sensory details draw a reader into your story. They help them feel like they’re there.

The same with taste. And don’t restrict yourself to things you put in your mouth. That car exhaust has a definite taste. So do emotions.

Here’s an advanced technique for deepening the emotion of a scene.

The scenery, clothes, etc. that you’ve been describing are from your POV character’s point of view. If you applied last week’s lesson, you’re choosing words that convey that character’s mood in your description. Let’s take that one step further and describe the situation with a metaphor to convey that emotion.

Here’s an example from my new release, Deep Cover, written in the hero’s pov:

Ginny blinked once and then again more deliberately.

He’d forgotten how strikingly green her eyes were, like a forest he could get lost in for hours. Only now they seemed to be measuring him and finding him wanting.

The metaphor is green eyes like a forest he could get lost in four hours. It conveys a wistful sense that he’d like to get lost in looking at her. Since it’s preceded by “he’d forgotten”, it implies he’d once lost himself in those eyes. And then comes the hammer. Not going to happen. Notice the juxtaposition of the wistful feeling to “found wanting”. It makes the effect all the harsher.

A Challenge

When I teach a writing technique, especially encouraging the use of metaphors or the senses, I worry that a student will overuse it. Any technique will become destructive if overused. Choose only an occasional metaphor, and and and make sure it is relevant to the POV character. A high school student will not compare the English teacher’s backside to a German WWII tank, unless he’s a history buff. That said, neglecting the five senses will rob your story of realism.

Exercise:

• Look over a scene or story you’ve written. Do you have at least one of each of the five senses there? Do they evoke memories, include emotions, or set a mood? And just in case—check to see if you’ve overdone it. Remember: too many sensory images can be worse than too few.
• Step two: Do you have a metaphor in the scene? Can you include one? Try it. But it needs to be fresh (not “stiff as a board” like I used in my post…which is a simile, but those are good, too.) Be sure the metaphor is something your POV character would think.

Please share your favorite metaphors in the comment section. And feel free to ask questions.

Author Sandra Orchard has been writing for nearly three decades but took time out to homeschool three children. She “graduated” to a new career when she contracted her first book with Love Inspired Suspense (formerly Steeplehill) the same day her youngest daughter entered college. That daughter, her student, is also a writer of award-winning short stories and articles for The Canadian Horse Journal and CinchMagazine.com, an Ezine which she also co-edits.

Deep Cover, the debut novel in Sandra’s Undercover Cops series released in early September. Shades of Truth will follow in March 2012.  You can read topnotch book reviews as well as inspiring true stories at her website www.SandraOrchard.com.

Do you scratch your head when someone tells you that you need to “show, not tell”? It’s the key to writing compelling commercial fiction, but an often difficult concept to grasp in all its nuances. Today I’m going to share with you some simple ways to…

Jesus wept.

The cat sat.

A quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

We can extend this action by adding a direct object–something that carries the action. This structure tells us, [...]]]> In its most basic form, a sentence consists of a noun and a verb, an actor and an action, someone doing something.

Jesus wept.

The cat sat.

A quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

We can extend this action by adding a direct object–something that carries the action. This structure tells us, in a very direct way, who did what.

The boy threw a ball.

Grandma baked cookies.

She whistled a tune.

The sentences above are written in active voice,

but in a sentence written in passive voice, the actor is an afterthought and may disappear entirely.

The ball was thrown by the boy.

Cookies were baked by Grandma.

A tune was whistled.

Sounds sorta goofy, huh? A little boring?

Did you notice how the verbs changed? One way to spot a passive sentence is to look for a “helping” verb (am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been, etc.) in front of the main verb.

To keep your writing exciting, make sure your sentences pass the action!

Exercise:

Below you’ll find some familiar active sentences rewritten in passive voice. Can you put them back in active voice?

• By the sea shore, sea shells were sold by a girl.
• A peck of pickled peppers was picked by Peter Piper.
• May flowers were brought by April showers.
• Nine stitches are saved by one made in time.
• No moss is gathered by a rolling stone.

This week, be alert for examples of passive sentences when you read. See if you can transpose them into active voice to make them more interesting and exciting.

Benjamin looked over the valley as he retrieved tools from the back of his truck.

That gets the message [...]]]> Readers of my book Grow Old With Me often comment about my descriptive writing style. I love to pull the reader into the scene and the story world by showing them what my characters experience.

Benjamin looked over the valley as he retrieved tools from the back of his truck.

That gets the message across. It’s also dry and boring. The following paragraphs open Chapter Two. They give readers a glimpse into Benjamin’s mind and the world he’s observing. This pulls them inside his head so they can understand and relate to him on a deeper level.

Benjamin left Mosey Inn and pulled into the gravel lot beside the church a few minutes after seven on Saturday. He climbed into the bed of his truck to unlock the toolbox. Drawn by the beauty of the valley, he paused.

Stone steps descended from the churchyard to the meadow where a mist was just lifting. Dew glistened on buttercups coloring the pastures bordering the rodeo arena. Love Valley came to life as red-streaked clouds gave way to a pale gray sky.

After fetching the necessary tools, he planned his workday as tourists and residents began their morning routines in the serene domain below.

The aroma of bacon and coffee floated up the hill from campgrounds. His stomach growled since he hadn’t taken full advantage of Sarah’s breakfast.

Campfire smoke drifted with the fog. Clouds vanished from the mountaintop. The murmur of distant voices mingled with horse whinnies. Bawling calves and bellowing bulls competed with the distant tinkle of wind chimes on Main Street.

The chill of the previous night had passed well before dawn. By mid morning, steam rose from tin roofed stables as the puddles from last night’s storm evaporated. A battered straw hat provided shade for his face, but rising temperatures sapped his energy.

We get a picture of an area in Love Valley and an idea of the emotions Benjamin experiences as he begins his workday.

Mixing descriptive passages with dialogue and action scenes paints vivid images in the reader’s mind.

One of our writing goals is to give the reader a deep emotional experience. You do that when you:

• Add the five senses to your writing.
• Give the reader details and make it personal.
• Make them feel conflict.
• Choose strong, appropriate words.
• Help them relate to the characters. (What does Benjamin notice? How does he feel about what he sees?)

There’s a delicate balance between too much description and an active, living scene. If I went on and on about what Benjamin saw and heard you’d become bored. It may take time to find the right balance, but you’ll find your writing voice and descriptive style through practice.

Exercise:

Write a descriptive paragraph about your story world by:

• Adding sensory references (What does the character see, hear, feel, taste, smell?)
• Giving enough detail to make the scene personal
• Including some form of conflict or tension
• Choosing strong, appropriate words
• Helping readers relate to your character as they experience his view of the world.

Exercise: Look for these [...]]]> Filler words are distracting…not to mention annoying.

In speech, they crop up when we don’t know quite how to communicate what we’re trying to say. Filler words crop up in writing for the same reason and have the same effect. Annoying distractions, they muddy the message and communicate almost nothing.

Exercise: Look for these common filler words in your writing. Think of them as red letter words that stop communication. Replace them wherever possible to improve your story.

it – What is it? It is a pronoun that refers back to an antecedent (a noun you used earlier). Many times you can replace it with a synonym for the original noun.

Example:

• It Her nose, all swollen from crying, wasn’t a pretty sight.

there – What’s it there for? See if you can replace generic terms with descriptive words that create images.

• “Put it over there on the desk–anywhere you can find a clean spot.”

very – This adverb emphasizes a higher degree of something. Look for an opportunity to choose a better word or a more colorful phrase.

Examples:

• His nose was very big ginormous.
• She looked very angry like a teapot about to boil over, spewing superheated venom on anyone within range.

really – Like very, this modifier can usually be replaced with something far more interesting. See if there’s a way to show instead of merely telling.

Example:

• Denny really didn’t want to go dragged his feet on the way to class. Math made him really sick nauseous, like the time he got food poisoning. Yup. Algebra could kill.

big – An adjective, but a weak one. Use a thesaurus, if you need one, to find more meaningful words.

Examples:

• He knew at once that his decision was a big mistake catastrophe.
• He knew at once that his decision was a big mistake would lead to an epic fail–a blunder of legendary proportions destined to live eternally in the annals of Whitman High.

little – Another weak adjective, but I’ll bet you’re getting the hang of editing by now.

Search and destroy weak writing!

If you come up with a gem, we’d love to read it your before and after! Leave a comment!

Alter (to change) Altar (a table used for a holy rite)

Example: For [...]]]> In my previous lesson, we looked at homonyms or homophones. In particular, we focused on contractions. Let’s look at more misused words. This section contains words that sound alike but have an entirely different meaning—more homonyms to confuse the English language.

Alter (to change)
Altar (a table used for a holy rite)

Example: For weddings, we alter the flower arrangement on the altar.

Compliment (to flatter, enhance)
Complement (to complete)

Example: She received compliments on the hat that complemented her outfit.

Led (past tense of lead, to show the way)
Lead (a heavy metal, also present tense of the verb lead)

Example: In a recent survey, lead paint led the list of common household poisons.

Peaked (reached the top) 
Piqued (stimulated interest)
Peeked (a brief glance)

Example: With piqued interest, they peaked out of their tents as the sun peaked the mountaintop.

Principle (always a noun) Principle (always a noun)
Principal (a noun, the head of a school. HINT: “The principal is your pal.”)
Principle (as an adjective meaning fundamental, important, prominent)

Example: The principle reason you study these lessons is to avoid a lecture from the principal about the principles of grammar.

Sight (something worth seeing; a device to aid the eye; vision) Sight (something worth seeing; a device to aid the eye; vision)
Site (location)
Cite (make reference to)

Example: Finding the appropriate site on the map, Joe cited the location on his research paper and decided it was a sight worth seeing.

There are other words that are not necessarily homonyms or homophones, but they sound similar enough to cause confusion.

Affect (verb)

Effect (noun. NOTE: To add some confusion, I should say that effect can occasionally function as a verb, but you’d rarely use it in that form.)

Example: Naomi effected a right turn, creating a disastrous effect on traffic, which affected the arrival of people at her book signing.

Farther (generally used for measurable or physical distances)
Further (generally used to describe a figurative distance)

(This is a pair you’ll want to get right to further your knowledge of grammar.)

Example: As they inched farther into enemy territory, the need for further information about the attack strategy became evident.

Okay, some of my sentences are far fetched and/or run on sentences, but I hope they clarify these frequently misused words, or at least give you a chuckle.

Exercise:

• Try your hand at creating some clever sentences or paragraphs using each of the cited words.

• For more examples or further study, check out these pages. Write a sentence with words you find particularly confusing.

http://www.englishchick.com/grammar/grconf.htm

http://wsuonline.weber.edu/wrh/words.htm

I hope you find these lessons helpful as you work on your contest entries. I encourage you to enter your five pages. You’ll gain valuable help and insight into your writing style.

Okay, I’m just being funny, but that’s because I’m going to talk to you about Floating Body Parts or FBPs. I shall explain, but before I start, I have to admit that I am not entirely against FBPs in every single writing instance. However, most editors are, and it’s [...]]]> Duck! Before one hits you!

Okay, I’m just being funny, but that’s because I’m going to talk to you about Floating Body Parts or FBPs. I shall explain, but before I start, I have to admit that I am not entirely against FBPs in every single writing instance. However, most editors are, and it’s tricky to handle them rarely and well, so therefore, we have to address them.

So what are they?

When action is attributed to a body part rather than the character, the part starts to “float.”

The most common floating body parts tend to be the eyes.

For example:

Her eyes flew to his.

Really? Did her eyeballs jump out of their sockets and fly with little wings across the room, sticking themselves to his? How uncomfortable — and slimy. Maybe the writer really meant that her gaze sped to his.

His head spun toward the door.

I picture a head on the floor, like a top, spinning away, with hair wrapping all around it like an unruly ball of string that the cat got a hold of. Then all of a sudden – thump! It whacks the door. Probably what the writer means is that he turned his head and stared at the door.

Beware of arms dropping, legs flying, faces falling and other inaccurate descriptions which might render an entirely wrong image in your scene.

Exercise:

• Search your work for FBPs and find better sentence arrangements to help you eliminate them. Admittedly, it’s hard to come up with substitutes for a gaze. Use a thesaurus if you have to. Look, stare, watch, gape, and gawk can all work.

• Be aware of FBPs in the books you read. Yes, there are plenty of them. Famous writers get by with stuff like that sometimes. But if you are just getting started, and no one’s heard of you except your grandmother, your mother, and her sisters, then you aren’t likely to be cut such slack by a publisher.

Remember that the road to publication is paved with hard work and rejection. Keeping your writing clean and taut will put you one step further ahead in this competitive field. Even if publication never becomes your goal, being a succinct communicator means writing tight. So no FBPs!

Huh? Sounds like grammar.  <Pause here for groans>

Yes! Creative writing is a LOT more fun than grammar drills, but if you intend to submit your writing for publication, Rule #1 is that it must be “clean”–properly punctuated with no misspellings or inappropriate word choices.

You [...]]]> Today, let’s talk about . . .

Homonyms

Huh? Sounds like grammar.  <Pause here for groans>

Yes! Creative writing is a LOT more fun than grammar drills, but if you intend to submit your writing for publication, Rule #1 is that it must be “clean”–properly punctuated with no misspellings or inappropriate word choices.

You want the editor to see that you are skilled and professional, but homonyms are a frequent stumbling block in the path to publication.

In the English language it is easy to misuse, misspell, or otherwise confuse words. One reason for confusion is that some spoken words sound identical though they are spelled differently. These are called homonyms or homophones. Since they sound the same, they are often misused. Many contractions are examples of homonyms that can be tricky. A contraction is a word formed from two or more words by omitting or combining some sounds. An apostrophe is usually inserted at the point of omission. Let’s focus on contractions today. We’ll talk about other problem homonyms in my next lesson.

You’re / Your

You’re = the contraction of “you are”

“Your” is a possessive pronoun.

Example: Your dog ate your homework. You’re in trouble.

It’s / Its

It’s = the contraction of “it is”

Its is a possessive pronoun.

Example: If you encounter a bear, it’s unwise to pull its tail.

They’re / Their / There

They’re = the contraction of “they are”

Their is a plural possessive.

There is an adverb.

Example: They’re hoping their enemy is no longer there.

I’ll / Aisle / Isle

I’ll = the contraction of “I will”

An aisle is a walkway.

An isle is an island.

Example: Of her plans to be married in Hawaii, the bride said, “I’ll walk the aisle on a tropical isle.”

Who’s / Whose

Who’s = the contraction of “who is”

Whose is a possessive pronoun (“belonging to whom”)

Example: Who’s the contestant whose score was disqualified?

He’ll / Heal / Heel / Hill

He’ll = the contraction of “he will”

A hill is smaller than a mountain (Regional pronunciation)

A heel is a rogue or the hind part of a foot

To heal is to make well

Example: He’ll climb the hill when his heel has healed.

You might want to bookmark this site for future reference. You could also search for other helpful links about homonyms and homophones.

Exercise:

• It’s time to write a sentence using each word I’ve listed in its proper context.

• If contractions and homonyms are a particular problem for you, make a reference list on an index card and keep it handy as you write.